I have recently made three rich friends and when they go shopping they drop a grand or three like it’s nothing. It’s almost sickening, but I’ve been trying to keep up with them at both drinking and shopping, and neither has worked out well for me. 

I probably sound like the most irresponsible babe in the world at the moment but I can’t help it. My nerves are shot, too, I had a very awkward first date. I haven’t had a REAL first date in so long… I didn’t even know how to talk to a man without purposely trying to stroke his ego and think of the bi weekly direct deposit to my account before I had to snap myself awake and realize I’m not being paid for my time. I’m volunteering, basically. He’s picking up the tab, but I’ll be picking up my own bills if this pans out to be anything.

That scares me. Could I give up this life? Could I give it up for one person? The answer to those two questions have been no for a long, long time. What could change it, if anything? Hm. Food for thought.

I keep equating regular dating much like being an intern. Sure you’re getting experience and you’ll probably get a free meal but sometimes it feels a lot like wasting your time.